Saturday, November 19, 2016

Let's talk about Sex, Ladies.

This post got really long, but I can do what I want, it's my blog. :) I wanted to start with a quick reality check of my life. I want to share what God is teaching me, but I don't want my life to appear all roses all the time--It most definitely is not.

SAD RANT. I have 2 kids and a dog. My house is for sale, and the offer extension for the home we want to buy is up in the air. It's the only house we want right now. So if our house sells and the offer falls through we are basically homeless. Whatever. Speaking of selling our house, since my last post we have had 3 showings and an open house. Another showing today at 1. Showing are encouraging, but also a ton of work. No one really lives in a spotless home all the time. Well, unless you're my one friend who will admit to being flat out crazy about cleaning. Now,  correct my first sentence-I  am a sick mom and I have 2 sick kids . This cough just will not stop and now dizziness and nausea have shown up.  I finally gave in and went into the doctor. I have vertigo, then I don't have vertigo. Also, this may or may not be mono. Just rest. Easier said then done when you work outside the home and have 2 sick, but still active kids. Plus I also like to build up my hubby who is also shouldering where our family will live, balancing our finances, and kicking butt at his job. And don't forget to enter in MOMGUILT over spelling tests, reading progress, and this new level of stubbornness my youngest and strongest-willed child has developed.

This past Tuesday was a dark day for me. I pushed through work, busied myself at home, and kept mostly quiet at small group. I was putting my kids to bed-an hour and a half past their bed time. Guys, I was 100% drained. My lack of patience and uncompassionate attitude towards my over-tired children manifested itself into an actual weight in my chest. I was heaving for breath and crying as I tucked them into their beds, praying they would just comply and close their tired eyes. This Momma was done and went straight to bed. Praise God His mercies are new every morning!

End sad Rant. Now, lets talk about SEX.

I recently listened to a podcast on Song of Solomon. When you're struggling you should go to the Bible first. And we all know the sexist book is Song of Solomon.

Here are two things that most stood out to me.

In Chapter 5 the couple is already married. Their love and love making is described as wine that they can drink deeply. So lets talk about wine.  While wine was a very common drink in biblical times, it's mention is often followed with a warning about over-consumption. We are not to get drunk on wine, do not over-indulge, everything in moderation, don't lose control as a result of your drinking, etc.

But here--when it's the passion and ecstasy of love making, the couple is encouraged to drink deeply.

"Oh, lover and beloved, eat and drink! Yes, drink deeply of this love!" Song of Solomon 5:1

There is no mention of limiting this passion, no warning of over-consumption, nothing telling the lovers to reign it in. No, it's quite the opposite. They have waited for each other, and now they are encouraged to lose themselves in passion, to partake in all the pleasure that God designed sex to be.

As I mentioned before, I like wine. So let's take a look at getting drunk on wine. I know this may not be the most "Christian" way to describe what I'm trying to get at, but I'm going there. Getting drunk on wine can start out to be very pleasant. First of all, wine engages all your senses. It pulls you in with it's delicious scent. It's pleasing to your tongue. And then it takes over your body as the alcohol hits your system. Your inhibitions go down, you feel lighter and happier, and your body may even feel blissful with a bit of tingling. (But hello! Spoiler Alert! Alcohol is a toxin in your body. The Bible tells us not to get drunk on wine for our own physical and emotional safety. Also, hangovers are absolutely not blissful.)

Sex can have all the above mentioned rewards of wine. It will make you feel amazing, exhilarated, and leave you satisfied. And when you wake up in the morning you will still have all those blissful feelings.

If sex is so great, then why do I find myself not wanting it?  

Well, the answer to that question lies in the second lesson I took from Song of Solomon. Solomon and his bride compliment each other on everything. Seriously. Every. Little. Thing. And they do it so eloquently--even using descriptions of gazelle, deer, and flocks of goats--and it still all means lovely sentiments.

However, I don't think that simply giving compliments is the key. The key is that they genuinely believe these compliments. Let that sink in a second. Solomon or his bride did not look for the hidden selfish agenda, didn't feel like that they were being buttered up, and they especially didn't think, "yup, I guess he wants sex tonight." Don't even pretend, I KNOW I'm not the only one who has had that flash of selfish reaction to a compliment from my husband.

Solomon and his bride genuinely believed each other. They built each other up in pure, unadulterated love. For example, take a look at how the bride's opinion of her dark skin changes as the book progresses. Her lover told her over and over, in many different ways, that he was attracted to the very thing that made her feel self conscious. AND SHE BELIEVED HIM. It made their relationship real, raw, and very very exciting.

So here's my challenge.  Start taking a pause when your husband gives you a compliment. Watch his face, see his eyes light up and spark. Take a second and realize that desire IS FOR YOU. I'm gonna be honest here: he is probably thinking about sex. But that's not WHY he complimented you. Think of this, HE WANTS YOU. Despite your self-perceived flaws (which he doesn't even see,) despite your sins, and despite how you may have treated him earlier. You are the absolute pinnacle of perfection for the woman he desires. Let that truth settle on your heart first, and your body's desire for him will soon follow.

You are the absolute pinnacle of perfection for the woman he desires.

It's not going to happen overnight-you may have a lot of cynicism to break down. Or maybe it will, but in a few weeks you have to start all over again. THAT'S OK. Solomon and his bride had to check themselves too. You know what the solution was? Complimenting each other. We have great power in our words.

I know this post is uber long, but here are some other amazing tangible tips I've heard or gathered to help boost your spirits and initiate the mood. Do what you need to to feel confident in your looks. I promise your husband will be excited about you regardless of how you look. But if you feel sexier in lingerie, then go get some! If you feel more confident with your make-up on, then wash your face after. Make your bedroom a haven where you are only husband and wife--not a mom and dad. A friend suggested getting a back rub to start the mood. Find what works best and put it into practice.

I hope this blesses your heart and your relationships. God has done great work in mine as I let these truths play out in my life.

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